By Patricia Reaney
LONDON (Reuters) - Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder but other people's opinions matter too when it comes to the attraction between men and women, according to researchers.
They found women are more attracted to a man if other women like him too.
"We tend to think about things like attraction as reflecting a private decision or a personal choice but our work shows that people's attractiveness judgements can be influenced in pronounced ways by what other people appear to think of those individuals," said psychologist Dr Ben Jones.
Jones, of the University of Aberdeen, and his team tested the impact of the opinions of others by giving women a test in which they had to choose the more attractive of pairs of male faces and to rate how much more handsome they found them.
They were then shown a short video in which the same faces were displayed. But each face was being looked at by a woman smiling or one showing a bored or neutral expression.
After watching the video, the researchers repeated the initial test.
"We found that the slideshow caused women to become more attracted to the men who were being smiled at by other women," said Jones.
The test had the opposite effect on men however, possibly because of the competition factor amongst males.
When men were asked to look at the same male faces, those who got the approving female glances became less appealing.
"This shows that people are using cues to the attitudes of others toward individuals to shape their own attractiveness judgements of those individuals," Jones told Reuters.
The findings, which are reported in The Proceedings of The Royal Society B journal, are similar to mate choice copying seen in other species and are thought to be the first time it has been shown in humans.
Positive female interest in the faces increased the women's preference for the males but it had the opposite effect on male judgements.
Jones suggests the positive reaction conveys a sense of approval for women but the negative male reaction could reflect jealousy or competition.
"If I go to a bar with Brad Pitt, for example, chances are I'm not going to get much interest from the women because Pitt will hog all the attention," he said.
MY COMMENT :
Sometimes it is true that people are influenced by others' cues when it comes to attractiveness judgements. It can be contagious. Physical appearance is a starting point. After that, presentation follows and goes a long way.
Since we are talking about beauty as being perceived by others, i am going to mention a little bit about eye contact because that is the most obvious and is usually the first thing that people notice in body language.
How to enhance your own attractiveness when it comes to eye contact?
Establish eye contact. This is one of the most important tools and a big determinant factor in enhancing one's attractiveness. A friendly glance, relaxed gaze sends the message that I want to connect with you. Avoidance of eye contact signals rejection. Establishing eye contact opens the door to potential, further interaction. It is imperative that we look at each others' eyes when we are talking. This is how we make a connection with someone through body language. It helps strengthen rapport and increases our likability because it signals interest in the conversation. And it leaves the other person with a positive impression about us. Wondering eyes signals disinterest. Of course, intense staring at someone is considered rude and may make them feel uncomfortable.
Also, when the article mentioned that males (pictures) 'who got the approval female glances became less appealing' to other males, it is obvious there is that competition factor. I have also heard that a guy wants to punch the lights out of another guy who looks at a picture of an attractive woman, given that both guys find the same woman to be appealing/attractive. So yes, there's definitely jealousy and competition among our male species, too. I guess females aren't the only ones into catfights!!:D:D:D
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
INFERIORITY COMPLEX
Alfred Adler, a renown psychiatrist of the early 20th century, introduced and coined the concept of inferiority complex. It has now lost its consistent meanings and usage. However, below is my best explanation of what it is in gist.
Inferiority complex is when someone feels inferior to others and results in either anti-social behavior or overcompensation by being overly aggressive or by having the need for over-achievement. Often times this dysfunction stems from childhood experiences that involve lack of social approval/rejection. Sometimes it is intensified by comparisons to older siblings and/or adults. The child feels inadequate and incompetent. It's also caused by the adult's imposition to the child unrealistic, high expectations and excessive negative, non-constructive criticisms. It is mostly subconscious and it is what drives the afflicted towards overcompensation.
How this dysfunction manifests itself in life?
Those afflicted constantly seek social approval and have the need to 'prove' to others their capabilities (also have the need to 'constantly keep up with others'; think that 'what they do and what they have is never good enough', thus dismissing/discounting their own strengths and/or talents/gifts and are unable to appreciate them; become overly sensitive so that they take everything personally or that they easily take offense to a many things being said). Social approval becomes more important than pursuit of happiness. They lack true confidence, obviously, and have low self esteem. What is not obvious sometimes is they may have false confidence in which they are insecure and are riddled with self-doubts in their minds, but that they attempt to project the image of confidence. A lot of people are better at trying to project the image of confidence than in being confident. Usually, such individuals carry the energy around with them that they are on top of the world and can do no wrong. I have seen those with inferiority complex hold respected positions and are placed in the pedestals within their community simply because they've worked hard to project the opposite image and have succeeded.
How to minimize or prevent inferiority complex?
Each child is a unique, special individual and needs to be treated as such. Show support and validation by giving him/her lots of praise. Encourage what s(he) likes to do and show appreciation even for the smallest accomplishments. Do not be overly critical of what s(he) does; but use positive, constructive criticism whenever possible. Do not compare the child to others and do not place too much pressure onto him/her to abide by exceedingly high standards. Do not use the child and make him/her into a trophy child so that you can impress your friends with the child and/or their accomplishments while enhancing your status as a parent.
If anyone would like to agree or disagree, add and/or comment on this, or any of the issues discussed in this blog; pls do. Or you may bring up an issue. What triggered me to write this and other issues is sometimes I question our behaviors and what they mean. And more importantly what messages we are trying to send to the rest. There are reasons why we do things that we do and think the way we do. I am not free of issues and I believe everyone have issues to a certain degree in life. If we at least try to understand some concepts and reflect on these issues, we are halfway there in understanding humankind and in turn, ourselves.
Inferiority complex is when someone feels inferior to others and results in either anti-social behavior or overcompensation by being overly aggressive or by having the need for over-achievement. Often times this dysfunction stems from childhood experiences that involve lack of social approval/rejection. Sometimes it is intensified by comparisons to older siblings and/or adults. The child feels inadequate and incompetent. It's also caused by the adult's imposition to the child unrealistic, high expectations and excessive negative, non-constructive criticisms. It is mostly subconscious and it is what drives the afflicted towards overcompensation.
How this dysfunction manifests itself in life?
Those afflicted constantly seek social approval and have the need to 'prove' to others their capabilities (also have the need to 'constantly keep up with others'; think that 'what they do and what they have is never good enough', thus dismissing/discounting their own strengths and/or talents/gifts and are unable to appreciate them; become overly sensitive so that they take everything personally or that they easily take offense to a many things being said). Social approval becomes more important than pursuit of happiness. They lack true confidence, obviously, and have low self esteem. What is not obvious sometimes is they may have false confidence in which they are insecure and are riddled with self-doubts in their minds, but that they attempt to project the image of confidence. A lot of people are better at trying to project the image of confidence than in being confident. Usually, such individuals carry the energy around with them that they are on top of the world and can do no wrong. I have seen those with inferiority complex hold respected positions and are placed in the pedestals within their community simply because they've worked hard to project the opposite image and have succeeded.
How to minimize or prevent inferiority complex?
Each child is a unique, special individual and needs to be treated as such. Show support and validation by giving him/her lots of praise. Encourage what s(he) likes to do and show appreciation even for the smallest accomplishments. Do not be overly critical of what s(he) does; but use positive, constructive criticism whenever possible. Do not compare the child to others and do not place too much pressure onto him/her to abide by exceedingly high standards. Do not use the child and make him/her into a trophy child so that you can impress your friends with the child and/or their accomplishments while enhancing your status as a parent.
If anyone would like to agree or disagree, add and/or comment on this, or any of the issues discussed in this blog; pls do. Or you may bring up an issue. What triggered me to write this and other issues is sometimes I question our behaviors and what they mean. And more importantly what messages we are trying to send to the rest. There are reasons why we do things that we do and think the way we do. I am not free of issues and I believe everyone have issues to a certain degree in life. If we at least try to understand some concepts and reflect on these issues, we are halfway there in understanding humankind and in turn, ourselves.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP STATUSES & THEIR INTERPRETATIONS
Here's a quick comment on HOW WOMEN PICK MATES VS FLINGS
Brief exploration of DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP STATUSES AND THEIR POSSIBLE INTERPRETATIONS
The previous article 'How Women Pick Mates Vs. Flings' is a very interesting one. It does makes sense though. Initially, males with strong masculine features tend to stand out, i.e. soap opera guys??...:D:D:D They draw attention first hand as opposed to males with feminine features. Guys who do not have as much testosterone can better relate to the female species, which is a plus too. Actually, guys who are in touch with their feminine side has the advantage to draw the girls in and is able to emotionally bond with them, so much so that it becomes a challenge for the girls to resist and to let go once the attachment is well-formed and solid. This is very true because emotional attachment is much more deeper and stronger than physical attachment. And I see this repeatedly amongst friends. They are physically single, but emotionally unavailable due to deep-rooted emotional attachment they have for another person.
Nowadays, it is a good idea to rephrase the question : 'Are you single?' into : 'Are you single and emotionally available?' Initially, sometimes people do appear to be single, but do take the time to get to know where someone exactly is, physically, emotionally, and mentally. People are uncertain about their relationship status these days and many carry emotional baggage. The most common scenario is immediately after a break-up, someone is obviously single, physically. But most likely, they are still emotionally occupied for a while. Not to mention, they may have their mindset somewhere else other than being in a relationship and/or that having a relationship (status) may not be a concern in their mind at all.
I have a friendster account and what people indicate as a relationship status does not necessarily reflect what is true in life. It only includes 5 categories : Single, In A Relationship, Married, Domestic Partner, OR It's Complicated. It does not allow multiple statuses, which many people sometimes have depending where they are. May be it should ask when, where, and how your indicated status applies to you.
Sometimes they are 'single' in the US, but not out of state nor overseas. May be they are 'it's complicated' everywhere in the globe except where they call home. Different area codes, regions, countries may require different statuses. People are not that simple. It does not provide us with a blank to fill in just in case we do not fall into any of the above categories nor a little space for us to explain any further details if we feel like it. It is too simplistic. When 'it's complicated', I wonder is it 'it's complicated' because they are seriously dating a few or are they playing the field with nothing further in mind in terms of establishing a commitment/status? Or, is it complicated because they cannot make up their mind with just one person? Sometimes, depending who asks the question, people are 'single', 'married' and 'in a relationship' all at the same time, OR none of the above. Different people may get different answers from the same person who is being asked. I have seen people, intentionally or not, straddle the fence so they can play both sides of the fence because they have a need to have a safety net or they don't want to miss out just in case something better comes up. And then there are those who leaves their status undeclared or is uncomfortable and apprehensive when questions sorrounding this issue comes up. Or, may be the reason is that it takes the fun out of the game when a status has been declared. Still, there are those whose specialty is to pursue someone who is 'almost single' because it's a challenge. On the other side of the coin, I know some who specialize in being 'almost single'. Opposite sex friends with benefits trully do exist and likewise, opposite sex friends with emotional benefits. Relationship status can be used as a convenient measure to get other things in life. You get the picture.
So bottom line is, sometimes a relationship status is open to interpretation. What someone may initially appear to be, single or occupied, may not reflect the actual state they are in with regards to their relationship. Also, a relationship status in friendster is nothing more than a guideline often times.
Whatever someone's status may be, or lack thereof, get to know them as a person. Know what questions to ask and know how to probe as appropriate. Find the the right time to ask. This way we have at least made an attempt to obtain a more accurate response; and therefore, get a better picture of what is going on. And it's important to pay attention to how someone replies to these questions. Of course, content matters; but get the feeling of the entire situation, if possible. This is where nonverbal cues and body language come into play. That's another topic.
I have a lot of single friends. And questions regarding their relationship status do surface from time to time. Some i can respond pretty easily and in a straight forward manner. Others do not fall into that black and white category. When that happens and someone asks me : is so and so single? Then i'd have to respond : 'Do you want me to tell you what I see?' OR 'Do you want me to tell you what they probably want me to say if these kinds of questions were to come up?' OR 'You can ask them yourself'
For example, if my relationship status was to come up, I'm always married. However, my husband and I do not always function as a couple. When I go out on my own or with my friends, I am and function as an independent, but still a married woman. If I am out with my husband, i function as a couple with him.
Pls do add any other possible relationship status interpretations you guys can think of that I haven't covered here
Brief exploration of DIFFERENT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIP STATUSES AND THEIR POSSIBLE INTERPRETATIONS
The previous article 'How Women Pick Mates Vs. Flings' is a very interesting one. It does makes sense though. Initially, males with strong masculine features tend to stand out, i.e. soap opera guys??...:D:D:D They draw attention first hand as opposed to males with feminine features. Guys who do not have as much testosterone can better relate to the female species, which is a plus too. Actually, guys who are in touch with their feminine side has the advantage to draw the girls in and is able to emotionally bond with them, so much so that it becomes a challenge for the girls to resist and to let go once the attachment is well-formed and solid. This is very true because emotional attachment is much more deeper and stronger than physical attachment. And I see this repeatedly amongst friends. They are physically single, but emotionally unavailable due to deep-rooted emotional attachment they have for another person.
Nowadays, it is a good idea to rephrase the question : 'Are you single?' into : 'Are you single and emotionally available?' Initially, sometimes people do appear to be single, but do take the time to get to know where someone exactly is, physically, emotionally, and mentally. People are uncertain about their relationship status these days and many carry emotional baggage. The most common scenario is immediately after a break-up, someone is obviously single, physically. But most likely, they are still emotionally occupied for a while. Not to mention, they may have their mindset somewhere else other than being in a relationship and/or that having a relationship (status) may not be a concern in their mind at all.
I have a friendster account and what people indicate as a relationship status does not necessarily reflect what is true in life. It only includes 5 categories : Single, In A Relationship, Married, Domestic Partner, OR It's Complicated. It does not allow multiple statuses, which many people sometimes have depending where they are. May be it should ask when, where, and how your indicated status applies to you.
Sometimes they are 'single' in the US, but not out of state nor overseas. May be they are 'it's complicated' everywhere in the globe except where they call home. Different area codes, regions, countries may require different statuses. People are not that simple. It does not provide us with a blank to fill in just in case we do not fall into any of the above categories nor a little space for us to explain any further details if we feel like it. It is too simplistic. When 'it's complicated', I wonder is it 'it's complicated' because they are seriously dating a few or are they playing the field with nothing further in mind in terms of establishing a commitment/status? Or, is it complicated because they cannot make up their mind with just one person? Sometimes, depending who asks the question, people are 'single', 'married' and 'in a relationship' all at the same time, OR none of the above. Different people may get different answers from the same person who is being asked. I have seen people, intentionally or not, straddle the fence so they can play both sides of the fence because they have a need to have a safety net or they don't want to miss out just in case something better comes up. And then there are those who leaves their status undeclared or is uncomfortable and apprehensive when questions sorrounding this issue comes up. Or, may be the reason is that it takes the fun out of the game when a status has been declared. Still, there are those whose specialty is to pursue someone who is 'almost single' because it's a challenge. On the other side of the coin, I know some who specialize in being 'almost single'. Opposite sex friends with benefits trully do exist and likewise, opposite sex friends with emotional benefits. Relationship status can be used as a convenient measure to get other things in life. You get the picture.
So bottom line is, sometimes a relationship status is open to interpretation. What someone may initially appear to be, single or occupied, may not reflect the actual state they are in with regards to their relationship. Also, a relationship status in friendster is nothing more than a guideline often times.
Whatever someone's status may be, or lack thereof, get to know them as a person. Know what questions to ask and know how to probe as appropriate. Find the the right time to ask. This way we have at least made an attempt to obtain a more accurate response; and therefore, get a better picture of what is going on. And it's important to pay attention to how someone replies to these questions. Of course, content matters; but get the feeling of the entire situation, if possible. This is where nonverbal cues and body language come into play. That's another topic.
I have a lot of single friends. And questions regarding their relationship status do surface from time to time. Some i can respond pretty easily and in a straight forward manner. Others do not fall into that black and white category. When that happens and someone asks me : is so and so single? Then i'd have to respond : 'Do you want me to tell you what I see?' OR 'Do you want me to tell you what they probably want me to say if these kinds of questions were to come up?' OR 'You can ask them yourself'
For example, if my relationship status was to come up, I'm always married. However, my husband and I do not always function as a couple. When I go out on my own or with my friends, I am and function as an independent, but still a married woman. If I am out with my husband, i function as a couple with him.
Pls do add any other possible relationship status interpretations you guys can think of that I haven't covered here
Monday, January 8, 2007
HOW WOMEN PICK MATES VS. FLINGS
By Abigail W. Leonard
Science might be able to explain our fascination with Brad Pitt's chiseled jaw and George
Clooney's smoldering eyes.
Women seem to judge potential mates by how masculine their features are, new research shows. Men with square jaws and well-defined brow ridges are seen as good short-term partners, while those with more feminine traits such as a rounder face and fuller lips are perceived as better long-term mates.
In the study, 854 male and female subjects viewed a series of male head shots that had been digitally altered to exaggerate or minimize masculine traits. The participants then answered questions about how they expected the men in the photos to behave.
Overwhelmingly, participants said those with more masculine features were likely to be risky and competitive and also more apt to fight, challenge bosses, cheat on spouses and put less effort into parenting. Those with more feminine faces were seen as good parents and husbands, hard workers and emotionally supportive mates [compare examples].
Despite all the negative attributes, when asked who they would choose for a short-term relationship, women still selected the more masculine looking men. Brad and George then would be picks for a brief romance, if not the long haul.
Makes sense
The study, detailed in the December issue of the journal Personal Relationships, reached conclusions similar to research published earlier last year in Britain.
The new study's author, Daniel Kruger at the University of Michigan's School of Public Health, said that from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense women would view more masculine-looking men as potential flings and less masculine-looking ones as long-term partners.
The key, he said, is testosterone, the hormone responsible for development of masculine facial features and other secondary sexual characteristics.
Testosterone is necessary for development, but can also have detrimental health effects. It has been shown, for example, to interfere with the body's immune response, so men who are able to maintain high levels of the hormone are typically strong and healthy—traits women would want to pass on to their progeny.
Increased testosterone has also been linked to male cheating and violence in relationships, so while these men might produce high quality offspring, they don't always make great parents or faithful mates, Kruger says.
The study suggests women could be equipped to use seemingly superficial characteristics "as a cue to pick up on trends in these behavioral strategies," Kruger said.
Get a clue
There are plenty of these signals in the animal world. Male peacocks' huge, outrageous tails can make foraging for food and evading predators difficult, but the plumage, which many researchers say indicates male fitness, is so effective at luring females that the trait has been preserved in the population, Kruger points out.
While the findings are compelling, the scientific community has typically greeted the field of physiognomy, which links facial characteristics to certain behavioral traits, with skepticism.
Kruger argues, however, that the research is a valuable tool for understanding mating strategies. And, of course, for explaining how Pitt and Clooney managed to snag People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" title two times each—it might have to do with their genes, but could also have something to do with ours.
Science might be able to explain our fascination with Brad Pitt's chiseled jaw and George
Clooney's smoldering eyes.
Women seem to judge potential mates by how masculine their features are, new research shows. Men with square jaws and well-defined brow ridges are seen as good short-term partners, while those with more feminine traits such as a rounder face and fuller lips are perceived as better long-term mates.
In the study, 854 male and female subjects viewed a series of male head shots that had been digitally altered to exaggerate or minimize masculine traits. The participants then answered questions about how they expected the men in the photos to behave.
Overwhelmingly, participants said those with more masculine features were likely to be risky and competitive and also more apt to fight, challenge bosses, cheat on spouses and put less effort into parenting. Those with more feminine faces were seen as good parents and husbands, hard workers and emotionally supportive mates [compare examples].
Despite all the negative attributes, when asked who they would choose for a short-term relationship, women still selected the more masculine looking men. Brad and George then would be picks for a brief romance, if not the long haul.
Makes sense
The study, detailed in the December issue of the journal Personal Relationships, reached conclusions similar to research published earlier last year in Britain.
The new study's author, Daniel Kruger at the University of Michigan's School of Public Health, said that from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense women would view more masculine-looking men as potential flings and less masculine-looking ones as long-term partners.
The key, he said, is testosterone, the hormone responsible for development of masculine facial features and other secondary sexual characteristics.
Testosterone is necessary for development, but can also have detrimental health effects. It has been shown, for example, to interfere with the body's immune response, so men who are able to maintain high levels of the hormone are typically strong and healthy—traits women would want to pass on to their progeny.
Increased testosterone has also been linked to male cheating and violence in relationships, so while these men might produce high quality offspring, they don't always make great parents or faithful mates, Kruger says.
The study suggests women could be equipped to use seemingly superficial characteristics "as a cue to pick up on trends in these behavioral strategies," Kruger said.
Get a clue
There are plenty of these signals in the animal world. Male peacocks' huge, outrageous tails can make foraging for food and evading predators difficult, but the plumage, which many researchers say indicates male fitness, is so effective at luring females that the trait has been preserved in the population, Kruger points out.
While the findings are compelling, the scientific community has typically greeted the field of physiognomy, which links facial characteristics to certain behavioral traits, with skepticism.
Kruger argues, however, that the research is a valuable tool for understanding mating strategies. And, of course, for explaining how Pitt and Clooney managed to snag People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" title two times each—it might have to do with their genes, but could also have something to do with ours.
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