MY COMMENT ON 'WHY MEN DON'T TALK LIKE WOMEN DO'

Communication Communication Communication!!


Effective, supportive communication plays the most crucial role in any relationship. It is often a foreign concept for men to communicate about their feelings. The world we live in do not support men showing and verbally expressing their feelings and vulnerabilities and dealing with them in the open. Society have trained men in general to be strong, tough, unemotional. Consequently, we have men who are not able to deal with their feelings and those of others'. Unlike women who have traditionally been expected to hold the nurturing and supporting roles, men have been conditioned to focus on independence and autonomy, disregarding their emotions. So much so that many men become ineffective and feel uncomfortable when it comes to making emotional connection in their relationships through communication.


Men are mostly goal-oriented if and when communication is to take place. Women, on the other hand, do not necessarily seek solutions to their problems. Women communicate to make an emotional connection by sometimes talking about and sharing their feelings/problems/issues.


In the end, women have to step up to the plate and understand men and their behaviors and what they entail because we literally speak two different languages. John Gray was not just speaking figuratively when he said 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus'. He was being literal about it from the fact that we speak one language, but that we attach different meanings to the things we say to each other. Most 'manly' men are reluctant to pick up those self-improvement/self-help books. They live by 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' rule. Women, on the other hand, tend to always want to improve for the better. We end up having to read these books, make appts to see a therapist/relationship expert to help our relationships, talk to our girlfriends about issues we are having in our relationships. Then when we return to our men, we have to wait for them until they are ready to listen and be receptive enough for a relationship discussion, which to some men, it is that dreaded 'feelings' discussion all over again. So, sometimes it seems like it is a 'lose-lose' situation women go through. Our downfall is precisely our very attraction towards the so-called opposite sex creatures namely 'men'. And it goes both ways too. I am certain that men are not free from having to deal with women and our issues. Neither of us can help ourselves with this life phenomenon called the 'opposite sex attraction'. It certainly causes both sides tremendous stress over our life-time. Hence, the saying : 'Can't live with them, can't live without them'. And that is part of the reason why I welcome the sight and the notion of same sex attraction and relationships. I see a light of hope at the end of the tunnel. Though same sex relationships is far from drama-free either. It's a whole different ball game there!